Virtual Shoulder

Tough life, this, and worse if there's no-one who understands. Write down what you are feeling right now in this phone byte.

Are you wondering what the phone bytes are?

These are small capsules of your thoughts that will reach me, your virtual listener. The options you click at the end of each phone byte will help me understand how I can help you.

The grief process:

Purpose:

To heal the pain of loss(es)

Distortions:

If not allowed to heal normally, prolonged "numbness", anger or bad moods, depression, self-pity, "inappropriately" crying for almost anything, (the "crushed tears of long ago"), inability to feel or express feelings, and building a "hard outer shell". The worst grief is for the "loss" of Unconditional Love not received as a child, producing a state of chronic grief and a needy search for love in adulthood. A "Poor Me" stance in life.

Release:

Share the burden of the loss with unconditionally loving and accepting persons. Science is now revealing that different chemicals are released from the body when we cry for different reasons - pain, grief, anger, relief, contrition, joy, onions(!), etc., and that this process is a self-healing one. People feel better for having released their feelings in a physical way. It is simply no longer true that "Wise Guys (or Big Boys) don't cry". The tears are better shed, - even the "tears of long ago". We no longer need stop people crying.

Transform:

To forgive "life" or any perceived "causes" for the loss; to forgive oneself for any "errors" of commission or omission with respect to the incident or loss;

Think on this:

How you are feeling right now is not always an indication of what you are slipping into. For instance, if you feel unloved, remember that this is only a feeling, and not necessarily reality. Learn to distance yourself from your emotions that are constantly changing over a day. But, surely enough if you hold negative thoughts all the time until they dominate your mind, if we look for imperfection and misdeeds in others, you will certainly find it. Life has a way of giving you what you think about yourself and others.

The world in which a man lives shapes itself chiefly by the way in which he looks at it. (Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher)

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