Mind Bank

MARRIAGE - any problems?

Someone has said that marriage is a perfect relationship between two imperfect people. Statistics show that marriages in urban areas are breaking up in the ratio of 1:3 i.e. every third marriage is on the rocks. Why?

John Powell, in his book, The Secret of Staying in Love, says, "Love is an activity; it is a "standing in", not a "falling for". In the most general way, the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primarily giving, not receiving."

  • It is important to remember that there is no perfection as long as we live on earth. There is no perfect human being who can satisfy you completely, complete every fantasy.
  • Just like you have your faults, your spouse has them too. If it is a problem of alcoholism, reckless spending, mistrust-remember nagging won't help.

Choose one of the options:

If you would like to speak at length about your problems, go to About Us, ask for e-mail counseling or meet me in person.

If you just need cheering up, go to the Sunshine Page

ANGER - Did you just lose your head?

Tantrums, irritation, tall tempers, short fuse... no doubt about this one-- anger has destroyed relationships, ruined careers. As an emotion, anger is always dangerous. When you are angry, reasoning goes out of the window. Logic vanishes. Words and actions spill over in a great deluge, many of them, highly regrettable.

"Give thy thoughts no tongue
Nor any unproportioned thought his act....
The friends thou hast and their adoption tried
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel....
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice.
Take each man's censure, but reserve they judgement....
(William Shakespeare in Hamlet)

Remember:

It is easy to get angry and easy to lose friends. But ultimately, nothing is worth that loss. The pain may disappear, the scars won't.

The best way to deal with anger is to:

  1. Recognise that you are getting angry
  2. Do not react immediately
  3. Move away from where you are immediately
  4. Analyse who you are angry with and why
  5. Settle the matter before the sun sets

Choose one of the options:

If you would like to speak at length about your problems, go to About Us, ask for e-mail counseling or meet me in person.

If you just need cheering up, go to the Sunshine Page

DEPRESSION - Are things just not fair?

Are you feeling depressed right now.

Remember that depression is caused by genetic factors, environmental situations, life events and biological changes.

Which of these could it be?

Allow yourself to be blue but don't jump to conclusions when you are depressed.

A doctor would provide you with tonics or anti depressants, but the real solutions lie within yourself.

"Discouragement, if pursued, is the exercise of an option: to turn from creative to non creative mental activity, to turn from what is present to what is over, to turn from that which builds to that which destroys. By becoming conscious of the option my mood sets before me, I am free to decline it"
 says Hugh Prather in his book, 'Notes to Myself'.

Choose one of the options:

If you would like to speak at length about your problems, go to About Us, ask for e-mail counseling or meet me in person.

If you just need cheering up, go to the Sunshine Page